Home Sweet Home

Dear Daniel:

So you're wife is currently on unemployment...and she's upset about being at home? I WANT to be home…I YEARN to be home…I FANTASIZE about being home. Home is where the heart is…home is good…what’s not to love? Obviously I’m going to have to EXPLAIN to you what is so WONDERFUL about being home…
· Sleeping until 10 AM.
· Waking up with ick in your eyes but no one can see it so you leave it there
· Eating something for breakfast that is NOT a granola bar
· Not having to schedule a bowel movement around other office personnel because there’s only one potty
· Being able to fart and blow nose loudly
· Not having to blow, straighten, or curl your hair every day. Shaving your head if you so desire
· No makeup…ever
· Not having to coordinate outfits by day/season
· No rush hour traffic with assholes who tailgate
· No idle chit chat with office mates because, really…who cares??
· Having good workouts every day and getting in the best shape of your life
· Reading a novel in the middle of the day
· Watching Maury and Jerry to see what middle America is up to
· Chatting with the mailman who you’ve never actually SEEN
· Reacquainting yourself with soaps
· Computer games at 11 AM or 1 PM or 3 PM or all frigging day
· Cooking good meals with favorite recipes again
· Showering is optional
· Finally getting all the loose pictures into scrapbooks and then hanging yourself because you’re actually “scrapbooking”
· Getting a PUPPY
· Writing the book you’ve always wanted to write
· Watching an American Idol until the end because you don’t have to get to sleep early
· Drinking two glasses of wine every night if you are so inclined
· Going to bed at 2 AM just because you can

Any questions?